For Y’ur Height Only

1981 | Color | 88 min

Starring: Weng Weng, Yehlen Catral, Carmi Martin, Anna Marie Gutierrez, Beth Sandoval, Max Alvarado, Mike Cohen, Tony Ferrer, Rodolfo Garcia, Romy Nario, and Ruben Ramos.

Directed by: Eddie Nicart

Determined to get his hands on the newly-created N-bomb, nefarious criminal mastermind, Mr. Giant, orders his goons to kidnap the scientist responsible for the development of this devastating new weapon (And if you aren’t sold on the devastating effects of the N-bomb, just ask Hulk Hogan, Mark Fuhrman, or Michael Richards). With the immense destructive power of this new N-bomb in his hands, Mr. Giant would have the ability to hold the entire world hostage (N-bomb, please…). It’s up to diminutive super-spy, Agent 00 (Weng Weng), to rescue the captured scientist, destroy Mr. Giant’s elaborate network of evil-doers, and foil his dastardly plans for world domination.

“Hello, gorgeous.”

Taken as a straight, James Bond-style, secret agent film, For Y’ur Height Only is dreadful on nearly every front. The narrative makes little sense, meandering aimlessly from one loosely-connected and poorly-edited scene to the next, resulting in a plot that makes you feel as though you joined it already in progress. No character is properly introduced and there is no backstory to speak of, whatsoever.

This is why you don’t take fashion advice from Huggy Bear.

I’m also quite confident that little to no actual translation of the original film was done for the English dubbing of For Y’ur Height Only. I’m convinced several voice actors sat in a room, watched the film a few times, and then ad-libbed their way through the thing, competing with one another to see who could contribute the silliest line of dialogue. There are some absolutely hilarious gems, such as Weng’s character being referred to as “Petite, like a potato,” and one of the top bad guys affirming his unquestionable devotion to evil in the least subtle way imaginable, saying, “The forces of good are our sworn enemies, And I repeat, they must be exterminated…and I mean LETHALLY!” As opposed to the non-lethal type of extermination, I guess.

Weng Weng out here snagging all the fine ladies.

Fortunately, the film’s entertainment factor isn’t negatively affected in any way by its many shortcomings. Instead, the ridiculous dubbing and shaky storyline only serve to enhance the already glaring absurdity of a 2’ 9” man, single-handedly kicking, chopping, stabbing, shooting, and generally beating the holy hell out of an endless stream of Mr. Giant’s evil henchmen. No need to overthink this one, friends. All you need to do is relax and enjoy as our pint-sized hero, with his arsenal of cool gadgets and rotating cast of lady friends, spends the majority of the film kicking serious bad guy ass, or more accurately, kicking the bad guys squarely in the beanbag, which–in addition to being repeatedly tossed at the baddies by helpful, off-screen crew members–is Weng Weng’s signature move.

Meanwhile, in the Philippines…

For Y’ur Height Only is an unrepentantly silly, clusterschmazz of a film, and very much worth 90 minutes of your life. Well, assuming you enjoy watching a fun-sized secret agent fly around in a mini jet pack, use his x-ray specs to check out the ladies, and kill bad guys with his flying, remote-controlled, razor-brimmed hat, culminating in a surprisingly, umm, “short” kung fu battle with the similarly height-challenged, and ironically-named Mr. Giant, that is. And if that doesn’t sound like a good time to you, what the hell are you doing on this website?