Frasier is my favorite sitcom of all time. I believe I’ve seen every episode at least a dozen times. One or twice a year, I’ll restart the series from the beginning and watch it all over again. What does my unhealthy obsession with one of the best sitcoms ever produced have to do with this site? Well, a few weeks back, while in the middle of yet another rewatch session, the following exchange between Frasier and his father caught my attention:
Upon returning home from viewing the latest, and sadly fictional, Jean-Claude Van Damme film:
Martin: “Didn’t you learn anything from that movie?”
Frasier: “Yes. Only that bullets are useless against a man who can kick really high.”
That great observation of the typical Van Damme film got me thinking about how many silly little lessons could be gleaned from bad movies—the philosophy of b-movies, if you will. So, forget all about traditional concepts of epistemology, aesthetics, and ethics–we’ve got Philoso-B! That is and ought to be all you need!
In this inaugural installment of BadMovieRealm.com’s Philoso-B!, we take our lesson from the 1987 film, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie.
While there are many lessons we can take from this particular film (not the least of which being that the ‘80s were mostly a dark and evil time), the most important lesson comes from the gastronomically-gifted character of Windy Winston. In the following clip, we see how he deals with an insult about he and his friends’ lack of aesthetic appeal (in layman’s terms, they are circus fugly!).
The lesson learned? Any personal attack, no matter how small, must be avenged….one hundred fold. Preferably with flatulence. Horrible, otherworldly, room-clearing flatulence.
If you have an example of a lesson you’ve learned from bad movies, feel free to post it in the comments, e-mail it to us at webmaster@badmovierealm.com, or send it to us on Twitter, @BadMovieRealm. If we like it, we’ll use it in an upcoming installment of Philoso-B! and give you credit! So start submitting!
BONUS! I leave you with this picture of the aforementioned Jean-Claude Van Damme, courtesy of The Guardian. No caption is necessary.
From Frolic Pictures:
Just in time for Christmas! The bold, daring and shocking murder-mystery comedy Club Lingerie starring cult film Goddess Bouvier (Surgikill) is now available to ship right to your very door! The perfect stocking stuffer (if your stockings dangle wide and strong)! This is not a motion picture for the shallow cinematic heart. You will laugh, you will gasp with fright, and you will be awestruck by a cast that dare to defy the laws of modern cinema, in all it’s wildly curious spender! See why this movie had to be made! The story of cougar who courageously pioneers the financial turnaround of her grandfather’s beloved nightclub! See gorgeous models die in the negligees before your very eyes, in the most unusual ways! See shoe-bombs going off, and blow-darts lodged into your very favorite girl!
Film critic Mike Haberfelner says “Club Lingerie is not just a murder mystery, first and foremost it’s a great deal of fun featuring quite a few very lovely girls wearing very little … a fun comedy interludes by quite a few fan faves like Dawna Lee Heising and Richie Lillard as a perverted couple, Domiziano Arcangeli as the jealous boyfriend of one of the models, Maria Olsen as a cookie flower girl, and a homicidal dominatrix – who doesn’t have anything to do with the rest of the film but is fun all the same. Now add to this details like a dog in lingerie, one perverted character who’s actually nothing more than a muppet, inexplicably, and a little dance number to close the movie, and you’re in a very weird place already, only accentuated by the directorial effort that is more reminiscent of 1970s grindhouse cinema than everything else (which goes very well with the story as such of course) … and you’ve got yourself a highly entertaining little romp!”
The film stars Bouvier, Jacqueline Guzman, Andy Dick, Dawna Lee Heising, Richie Lillard, Jessica Knopf, Domiziano Arcangeli, Geo Sargent, Art Roberts, Jennifo Box, Sydney Raye Smith, Mindy Robinson, Nicole Shipley, and Maria Olsen, with Alexandra Skiba, Vera Taylor, Laura Amelia, Jesse Briandi, Lauren Taler, Robert Evans, Glenn Brunno, Anjela Gotsulyak, Joe Karam, Kara Michelotti, Liliana Lev, Rachel LeMar, Ernesto Orellano, Trevor Doss, Varian Gray, Ashley Kyron, Curtis Simmons, David Bocanegra, Mickey Woodall, Shelley Sheraton, Mystic Marlow and LeJon. The film is produced by John Van Harlingen, Bouvier, Julia Faye West, Sunny Vachher, Jacqueline Guzman Cereceres, Michael Anthony, Mikko Tervonen and Seth Metoyer. Art Direction by Ryan Henneman. Stills by David Levin, Valerie Val and Melanie J. Brown. Make-up by Bahieh Claggett. Production design by Mystic Marlow. Directed by Jared Masters. See Club Lingerie. The last intimacy she’ll ever wear!
Big news from the fine folks at Cult Collectibles!
HUGE YEAR END SALE THROUGH DEC. 15th!!!! Here is your chance to take advantage of the lowest prices that will EVER be offered on our line of amazing limited edition “Weird Wobbler” bobblehead figures! All in stock figures are on sale and some are even over 50% off!!! We will never offer these at this price again and to be completely honest we are losing money on a couple of these… so don’t miss out! Here’s your chance to start or complete your collection and pick up some for friends and family for the holidays.
Go to Cult Collectibles and buy stuff before it’s too late!
