Hey there, bad movie fans! I know things have been a bit quiet around here lately, but I’ve got some cool news to announce. BadMovieRealm.com is partnering up with folks at The Movie and Music Network to review some of the, well, less-than-classic selections in their growing catalog of films.
Each film we review will appear in BadMovieRealm.com’s section of The Movie and Music Network’s Review Channel for your viewing pleasure.
So, download their Android or iOS app, fire up your Roku, or just point the web browser of your choice to The Movie and Music Network and start watching!
Oh, and be sure to use the promo code, BMovieDerek, if you decide to subscribe!
…now I just need to review some damn films for a change…
Greetings, fellow bad movie lovers!
You may have noticed that updates have been few and far between for a long time around here. Frankly, life has kinda gotten in the way and I simply don’t have the time and energy to devote to this site that I once did. That said, I don’t want to abandon this old girl to decay and ruin, so I’m asking you, the loyal visitors of BadMovieRealm.com for your help!
I’m looking for contributors to help keep BadMovieRealm.com chugging along. While all submissions will be considered, there are a few guidelines for you to follow:
Submitted reviews must be at least 500 words long and ideally be around 800-1000 words. However, a well-written, humorous 500 word review is far preferable to a rambling 1000 word one (I know this because I myself have written quite a few of the latter variety). Additionally, it would be very much appreciated if you could include several original screenshots (8-12, or more) from the film along with your review.
Original articles will also be accepted for the blog. Actor/director profiles, genre overviews, top 10 lists, etc. will all be considered for publication. If you’ve got an idea, send it my way and I’ll let you know if it would fit the site.
If you would like credit for your work (and why wouldn’t you?!) please include a picture and short bio along with your submissions so your profile can be added to the upcoming “Contributors List.” Also, if you have a website, Twitter, Facebook page, etc. which you would like included with your work, feel free to include those links as well. I want everyone to receive full credit for their hard work. 🙂
Anonymous and improperly credited submissions (You don’t have to use your real name, but screen-names like “UrBoy6969” or “FuX0r3Dy0uRm0m” are not acceptable author names) will, in keeping with the Hollywood tradition, be credited as being authored by “Alan Smithee.”
And it goes without saying (but thrill as I say it anyway) that all reviews and articles must be original and should fit within the basic theme of the site. The movies featured don’t have to be terrible (although that is a big plus on a site called “BadMovieRealm.com”) but they should at least fit within the cult/sci-fi/fantasy/horror/exploitation genres.
Please try and keep all writing at a roughly PG-13 level. Occasional swearing for emphasis is acceptable, but an over-reliance on vulgarity is just lazy. Try to be a little more original. If I can review a porno and keep it clean, you can certainly do the same with some obscure ninja flick or zombie movie. 🙂
So, if you’re interested in joining the team and achieving your own little slice of internet fame and immortality, go ahead and send your submissions to: submissions@badmovierealm.com
And now for some boring legal stuff: All submissions will become the exclusive property of BadMovieRealm.com and may be edited, revised, incorporated into larger works, and/or removed at any time and for any reason. BadMovieRealm.com is under no obligation to accept and/or publish any submission. No compensation will be ever be paid, but original authors will always be credited unless we (BadMovieRealm.com) are otherwise instructed by the author himself.
After completing his unholy film trinity, Francis once again returned to the screen, doing bit parts in such films as The Dirtiest Game and Ray Dennis Steckler’s Body Fever, before making his final on-screen appearance as a drunk in the 1970 Russ Meyer film, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. According to official record, Coleman Francis died of arteriosclerosis on January 15, 1971. However his former collaborator, Tony Cardoza, seemed to imply in an interview with Tom Weaver (The Astounding B Monster) that Mr. Francis’ passing may have been a somewhat darker affair, claiming that Mr. Francis was found with “ …a plastic bag over his head and a tube going into his mouth or around his throat.” Whether this is actually true or not (Mr. Cardoza quickly admitted that he and Mr. Francis had fallen out of touch some time earlier, so he never felt compelled to dig deeper into the details of his former colleague’s death), it would certainly be an end which would have fit right into the dark, bleak, and hopeless world which Coleman Francis created.
Coleman Francis’ films are so bad and at times, so far outside the accepted conventions of filmmaking, they almost have to be considered a form of outsider art. It’s quite obvious that Mr. Francis desperately wanted to say something profound with his films, but simply didn’t have the actors, budget, or more importantly, the skill, to do so in an entertaining manner. What he was able to do was project onto the screen his own dark, pessimistic, violent, misanthropic, and backwards take on the human experience. If his films are any indication, it would seem, to paraphrase Marilyn Manson, that Coleman Francis simply wasn’t born with enough middle fingers. While there is little to actually enjoy at face value in Francis’ films, they do display a sort of stubborn, perpetually-disgruntled integrity which is almost impossible not to admire at least a bit, even as you suffer through them.
Make no mistake, Coleman Francis’ movies didn’t accidentally turn out as dreary and miserable as they did, victims of the clumsy touch of an incompetent director. These are, without a doubt, exactly the films Coleman Francis intended to make from the get go. Sure, had he more time, money, and skill as a director, his films might have ultimately shown a bit more polish, but they still would have been the proverbial turd.
“Hey! F**k you, Miller!”
Back to Part 1: Introduction
Back to Part 2: The Beast of Yucca Flats
Back to Part 3: The Skydivers
Back to Part 4: Night Train to Mundo Fine, aka. Red Zone Cuba
*This article originally appeared in Cinema Terrible, Issue #1
