Return of the Kung Fu Dragon
1976 | Color | 83 min.
Starring: Polly Shang-Kwan, Chan Sing, Cheung Lik, Chuen Yuen, Lam Chi, Li Chung Chien, Tin Yau, Tung Li, and Yuen Sam.
Directed By: Chick Lim Yu
Summary: An entertaining kung fu flick starring the wonderful Polly Shang-Kwan. Her presence alone makes this one worth checking out. Features a powerful wizard with ridiculous facial hair — his beard is so long, he has an assistant help carry it around — and one very fugly little midget.
Good: Very entertaining and moves pretty fast. Sets and costumes are quite colorful and interesting. Plus, who doesn’t love an all-powerful wizard with shoulder-length eyebrows?
Bad: The plot is a bit confusing and the poor English dub does little to help.
Starring: Anitra Ford, William Smith, Victoria Vetri, Cliff Osmond, Wright King, Ben Hammer, Anna Aries, Andre Phillipe, Sid Kaiser, Katie Saylor, and Beverly Powers.
Directed By: Denis Sanders
Summary: A boring, sleazy little exploitation flick that is packed full of crude (and painfully unfunny) humor, awesome sideburns, and the unmistakable bell-bottomed stench of the 70’s. This film that taught me that it was actually possible for me to be physically repulsed by the sight of breasts. The film’s only saving grace is the very lovely Anitra Ford as the Queen bee girl.
Good: Most scenes are too dark to make out what exactly is going on and the audio is usually too muffled to hear the dialog. Yes, these are the good things.
Bad: Just about everything that isn’t Anitra Ford.
Recommended: Only if you have easy access to industrial-strength disinfectants and antibiotics. I don’t think you can contract a venereal disease from a movie, but I certainly don’t want to take any chances.
Dragon Ball: The Magic Begins
1991 | Color | 85 min.
Starring: Simon Wong, Paul Kam, Eddie Chan, Anna Li, Ruby Tse, Peter So, and Eagle Kong.
Directed By: Joe Chan
Summary: An unauthorized, live-action, Taiwanese remake of the 1986 animated film, Dragon Ball: Curse of the Blood Rubies. The characters’ names from the classic anime have been changed to protect the innocent (or more likely, the guilty). Master Roshi=Turtle Man, Bulma=Seetoe, Goku=Monkey Boy, etc.
Good: A lot of fun and never really takes itself too seriously. Special effects are cheesy, but they fit the lighthearted tone of this goofy little film quite well.
Bad: You probably won’t want to watch this with hardcore Dragon Ball fans. Their constant screams of “Blasphemy!” will tend to drown out the dialog.
